Maybe it's all my fault. After all, I've always tried to help women realize there is fashion life after 40. That moms can have style. Emphasized that women deserve to look their best. And then along comes a show that makes it all seem so...sad.The Real Housewives of New York City on Bravo crystallizes the right clothes/plastic surgery/fake tan equals youth mindset. While all of the women look good for their age, no one is going to mistake them for 20-somethings.
The "sexy mom" (her words, not mine) poster girl is Ramona Singer (pictured, second from right). From watching Ramona rifle through her miniskirt-filled closet to listening to her brag about her MILF status (eww), I felt as mortified for her as her pre-teen daughter did. Maybe one of the other social climbers will shove Ramona into a pair of mom jeans and white sneakers to calm her down.
The question is not whether or not The Real Housewives of New York City is watchable TV; I'll probably watch it again (but than again I got hooked on Gone Country on CMT, so take my reality TV critique for what it's worth.)
The question is whether the fashion industry has gone overboard in urging women of all ages to wear just about everything including skimpy halter tops, miniskirts, tight jeans. (Photo Credit: Amy Sussman/Getty Images)
Comments
I do agree. There’s nothing sadder than an older woman wearing cheap, trendy clothes. Looking older can be great, but only if you look sophisticated and well off.
I agree. I have always tried to dress appropriately for the kind and age of woman I am. While a major weight loss has encouraged me to wear skirts to my knee instead of my ankle, I would not dream of “keeping up with fashion.”
I agree, however after at weight lose of 30 lbs, I feel younger and I’ve stopped wearing elastic waist pant. I”m confused as to what looks good on me. I am very afraid that I am going to look like one of those people trying to look younger and just look silly.
No wonder her daughter cringes. There is nothing as DESPERATE as a grown women trying to cling to her teeny bopper days! Pathetic…Women have come so far, only to be laughed at because of the immature acts of a small minority. I would hope that with age I’ve gained wisdom and COMMON SENSE.
Your headline is a good question, Cynthia. The good news for women of all ages is that fashion is not limited to what’s coming down the runways in New York or on TV. There are many independent designers offering solid, innovative designs. One example is Ivey Abitz. Antique inspired garments made in the USA. Imagine that! IveyAbitz.com.
@Kathryn – I’m right there with you. A new me needs a new look and it’s a minefield. Some basic research has helped me a little but I still feel tentative when I shop. To start with I’m keeping things really simple and accessorising with jewellery, handbags and shoes and that makes me feel stylish whilst my clothes are still conservative.
Think about how Jackie Kennedy or Babe Paley looked throughout their lives. They changed their clothes, but never their style. They were elegant women from beginning to end because they remained true to what looked good on them, not what the twenty-somethings were wearing.
Sorry, Josh, but your fashion link is horrendous! I wouldn’t be caught dead in that stuff. Looks like you’re trying to hide more than your figure. Can you say “trash bags”?
i think every age (men and womoen) has its own charm. why not be grateful of God & our parents gave us. Shine our inner light.
first paper thin for the young girls which makes them having breasts transplant at age of 15 or not eating balance, etc. etc.
now, mislead the moms(as well as the audience), make them feel bad about their bodies, which is bad influence.
I don’t think it’s fashion that’s created a monster. I feel it’s the society we live in, the emphesis on wealth, being a “socialite” and luxury. I am a 26 and feel these women are doing exactly what a lot of middle aged (and younger) women do in this country. Focus mostly on status and the exterior. It’s not wrong to be successful but we live in a boastful society that flaunts our wealth as a way to seperate us from the “common”. And Miss Cynthia the best way to discourage this type of behavior is NOT to keep watching the show. I’m sure you know this but ratings is what keeps smut like this on the air. Then we wonder why America is among the most hated nation on earth and why many feel we are going to hell in a hand basket.
Sorry Josh, I agree with Barbara. The Ivey Abitz clothing line is hardly flattering to anyone with a waist. No matter what your size, a good FIT is everything. One of my best dressed friends probably weights 250 but you’d never know it. Her clothes are classic and they FIT her. She doesn’t hide under a bunch of frumpy layers. All of us can wear a tailored white shirt and great fitting pants. Then put on an up to the minute pair of brightly colored patent leather shoes straight off the runway and a fabulous pair of earrings and you can go anywhere!
I love this show for the trainwreck factor. Three of them are just obnoxious:
Ramona is just plain embarassing. Honestly, she’s not all that. Her behavior is just as bad as her style.
Jill is okay but nothing to brag about. Her daughter is adorable though!
Alex (and her husband) both give me the oogies. Just. Yuck.
The only one who can really pull of those young trendy styles is Bethenny. She’s got a great figure and sophisticated style. Luann is my favorite. She’s got a quiet elegance about her and she always looks sophisticated. Even when she’s wearing very casual clothing or tennis togs.
Skimpy, cheap clothing doesn’t look good on anyone, but middle-aged women can certainly wear trendy, fashionable clothing! I guess the line between “fashionable” and “skimpy” is going to be different for everyone. The most important thing is to have your own style and be confident with it. If you feel uncomfortable in your clothes, you will look uncomfortable. I’m a mom, but there’s no way I will leave the house in mom jeans or white sneakers!
Opps! Sorry for the type-o! I meant to say, ” I am a 26 year old woman and… “
I guess also, I wonder what type of example we are setting for younger women in this country! It’s bad enough we have the Paris Hiltons’ and Kim K’s constantly in the media. It would be refreshing, at least to me, to see older women who carry themselves with class consistently in the media whom I am my age group can say “wow I’d like to be like her when I get older” or ” wow, I really look up to her”… I’m saddened that these types of things are entertaining to us because we are raising a generation of equally materialistic and dysfunctional young girls! But to each his/her own right? Not judging, just making an observation… Now I’m done with this post! LOL
As a mom 4x’s over, and what is to some considered “older”, I find that too many women categorize each other. Just be yourself, wear what you like, what makes you feel attractive. I don’t let the “rules” of fashion dictate to me what I am supposed and not supposed to wear. I get some nasty looks from women my age who want to look old and dowdy. But I have always admired women like Glenn Close, Andie McDowell and Michelle Pfeiffer. All of these women are over 50 and they dress trendy and look HOT. I say more power to them.
there is no substitute for elegance and and style. the cheap, clingy, short, skimpy, grungy clothes of the last ten or so years, no matter how expensive they are, will never look elegant. we women have been hoodwinked by male designers who never wear the uncomfortable clothes or shoes they tell us are the latest fashion. celebrities are the most useless bunch on this earth. they do nothing except promote themselves and whatever awful thing they are doing or wearing becomes a trend.
Couldn’t agree less. I’m 50, work hard at staying trim and in-shape. I’ll match my legs with anyone 25. If you haven’t got it, then hide it. If you have, let ‘em show. I don’t own a skirt longer than 4 inches above my knees and I get LOTS of compliments. The only stares I get are from fat broads.
Elle, I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I watch “What Not To Wear” and cringe every time I see that sign “No miniskirts after 30″. It’s as if there is some arbitrary age after which sexy becomes a 4-letter word. It has everything to do with the appearance of your face, body and skin and nothing to do with your age. There are women 18 who shouldn’t be caught dead in a short skirt. I’m 40 something and I wore a thong swim suit when my husband and I went to Cancun last year. While he was getting us drinks some guy in his early 20’s tried to pick me up. LOVED it. There will always be women who need to justify staying out of the competition any way they can. Bad mouthing those who make the effort is one way they try.
Josh: A number of the designs are obviously vintage inspired, but many of them look designed just for Lagenlok (or Lagenlook, depending on your language), which is very now in Europe. Not all new fashion is American.
If you look on Zabasearch, Ramona was born in 1956, you do the math. Luann dresses trendy but classy and Jill to for that matter. I don’t know what Ramona’s deal is, maybe insecurity. Do you see how she rips others apart, sounds like insecurity to me.
Young women need to emphazise their bodies rather than their clothes. As they get older they should switch the emphasis onto their clothes.
That’s the basis for the advice not to wear mini-skirts after a certain age.
Bad taste does not respect age. In my opinion, cheap, super trendy clothes look dumb on everybody. We just forgive young women because they’re not supposed to know any better. I personally see nothing the matter with halter tops, spaghetti straps, or shorter skirts on myself (I’m 44)because I know I look fine in these things. I am not so wrinkled or out of shape that I would feel self-conscious and I always dress with class.
I do not brag about my MILF status in front of my nieces and nephews because they are children and my sex life is none of their concern. It’s called class and decorum. And age hasn’t anything to do with that.
Why can’t ladies who look good and have confidence in what they wear wear it, without being labeled as pathetic creatures trying to look 20. If you’re over 30, trust me, you know you’re not 20 and that you don’t look it. Besides, where’s the crime in not being 20 but wanting to look attractive?
It’s been my experience that other women who complain about women who “look good for their age” are simply jealous because they have decided to buy into society’s dictates that women past a certain age should cut their hair, slip on a gunny sack, and fade into the woodwork because hey, you’re not 20 anymore.
If you want to condemn these women, condemn them because they dress like whores and brag about their sex lives in front of their children. Not because they want to look attractive after 40.
Reading over these comments made me think of my mom. I always her hear complaining about how she wants to dress like me, but still fit into her clothes properly. There is a store called Trance Boutique, in Manhattan beach, CA, that she shops at, where they have really cute clothes, in really great sizes, for middle aged women and older. She always looks great in their outfits…their clothes are so cute that sometimes I even steal things out of her closet to wear
They probably have a website. I would encourage anyone who wants to look hip, but not like your wearing your teenage daughters clothes, to shop there!
It makes me furious that society thinks older women should migrate into any catagory at all! If a woman can keep her shape and remains in an active lifestyle, people should stop staring like she is crazy! OMG-June Cleaver does not exist any more! Ridiculous is in the eye of the beholder!! Dont squelch my creativity or free spirit! Get over yourselves!
As a newspaper columnist with a focus on women’s midlife issues, I’m so glad you wrote on this topic. I’m 54, and often find myself tearing my hair out because clothes marketed to my age group are either totally too young, too frilly, uncomfortable, and inappropriate for my lifestyle… or, they are frumpy, baggy, and shapeless (which I’m not). Even magazines that are supposedly geared to my demographic rarely hit home with me. I don’t buy as many magazines as I used to — for that very reason.
Since the issue is specific to the ladies (if you could call them ladies) on THONYC, it seems to me that if we are talking just about appropriate dressing for your age, then I’d have to give it to Bethanny first, then LuAnn and Kelly are about equal to me, then Jill and in the very bottom is Ramona, for extremely obvious reasons.
Now let’s discuss manners and class. Basically I would have to say I’ve seen very little of either from any of these women. Again I think Bethany takes first place, then based on what I’ve seen of her Kelly, and then I put LuAnn, Jill and Ramona all in a tie for last!
LuAnn has such a rude snobbish attitude about her. Who is she to go around correcting everyone about how to introduce her amoung many other things(correcting people in public…IS RUDE!). Also to have the nerve to write a book on manners, just because you married someone with a title, does not mean you yourself have manners…I have been SHOCKED by her behavior this season.
Jill I laugh at because I don’t think she means to come off as the shallow person she is, but hey I don’t think she cares to change.
Romona is an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t say anything else about her, because that covers it!….Oh wait I left out her dancing….Hello, Elaine on Seinfeld!!!!
Who’s left…oh Alex and Simon…ummm well I just don’t think much about them but when I do see them I wonder why if the show is called “The Housewives of New York City”…then why is Simon in EVERY SINGLE shot of Alex’s time…ummm can you say hoping for a TV deal???
First of all he is unattractive to look at that often(especially in a swimsuit or towel), and secondly it makes me wonder can Alex do anything with his opinion or approval, etc.?
She seems VERY Co-Dependent…and I’m not one to care if my hubby comes to things with me, but I don’t need him or want him in every single thing or thought I have to process, I’m my own person, but I don’t think she is her own person…I think he spoon feeds her what to think, obviously what to wear, and on and on and they need to teach their children some discipline!
I love that they approach an open learn concept with their boys and that they don’t talk down to them as many moms and dads do, but hey that’s not all to parenting. So far I see very bright but very badly behaved children.
The rest seem to have wonderful children, much better than their mothers.
Hello,
I have a girlfriend (not me!) who insists on wearing the tightest jeans she can find. Recently she had an injury to her abdomen area. After 2-3 surgeries, she still wears these very tight jeans.
She says the area still hurts her everyday, and she still goes to the dr. about it. Her friends have tried to suggest to her to get a little looser jeans for comfort and ease, but no way. It is sad with you are 50 years old and feel if you don’t wear skin tight jeans you are not attractive.
I had an older friend (I was in my 30’s) and she said that women over 50 should wear only silk. Meaning–only good quality fabrics and clothing. Works for me now that I am 70.
Altho I do miss my sexy high heels.
Yikes!
Those IveyAbitz clothes are very costume-for-a set-like. Like movie sets?
The fabrics are wonderful but lines (?) are lacking.
I’ll stick with my knits of basic colors highlighted by lovely scarves and jewelry.
A short , bright-colored jacket is good too.
I agree that women over a certain age can look foolish if they attempt a look that is “too young”. A 50 year old women who wears a Catholic girls school mini skirt with a fitted oxford shirt and thigh high socks will look silly even if her body can carry the look. However put her in a solid colored fitted mini skirt and a modern fitted t shirt perhaps with some knee high boots and I think if her body can carry the look and she’s confident and comfortable being sexy it would look fabulous whether it was bought in the J’s dept or not. In fact it would look and be far more appropriate for her to wear that than any girl under 18 to wear the Catholic school outfit.
Also, young women who carry to much body fat and are not toned or in shape often look far worse than foolish when they attempt to wear clothing that can and should only be worn by someone who with a slender toned figure. I always wonder where the child’s mother, sisters, friends…. are when i see a chunky teen girl plodding down the street in a skirt that shows thighs touching below and waves of rolls cascading from above. it looks hideous and very uncomfortable.
I also find it interesting that people get more upset seeing a 45 year old woman in great shape and who can pull off wearing a trendy mini skirt and top (perhaps from the Jr’s dept) often you will hear comments like, she’s to old to wear that, it’s too sexy????? yet these same people don’t have a problem with a young women under 18 wearing this same sexy outfit. Is it now okay for a 12, 13, 14, 15… year old to look sexy? I find it disgusting whether they have the body for it or not, children should not look sexy at all, period.
It’s completely insane to me. I listened to a mom in the Jr’s dept at a big dept store ranting on and on about a woman (probably 40-45) who was in the dressing room trying on teen jeans should be in the misses dept, she certainly had the body for them, in fact in the back-to-school crowded dressing room, full of 12 – 18 year old’s, she was the only one who did that low cut hip-hugging style jeans justice) this mom was out raged that that woman didn’t act her age…. she then proceeded to force her overweight 13 year old in to a pair of low low rise jeans that were at least 1 size to small and I wouldn’t have let any girl younger than 16 (if then) wear and a little sweater that would have shown all of the child’s chest if she had had any yet. Sorry but despite it being Jr’s the jeans were better suited to Ms.40+ than Miss.13+. I believe that clothing choices should be first based on taste, 2nd on if your body type can carry the look, (I’d rather see a toned 60 year old tummy bared by a cropped shirt than a flabby 16 year old’s gut drooping out of one) and also it’s appropriateness. By appropriateness I mean a few things, formality of clothing – formal dress or jeans, type of event – picnic or funeral, reason – date for hot sex – or business meeting.
Once you are of age you should be able to pick and chose the clothes that best flatter your body and that you are comfortable in. I know that at 42 (tomorrow) I do not have one pair of mom-jeans in my closet. I wear a size 3-5 Jr’s and am far more comfortable in a semi low rise flare then a pair that button higher than my waist. Misses dept jeans are usually to big for me even 0’s. It was actually a sales person at a well known dept store that after measuring me and attempting to assist me with a finding a pair of jeans from the misses dept that fit me right that told me my body would fit better in jeans from the Jr’s dept. I don’t believe anyone could honestly say I look foolish in them, but honestly if they did I wouldn’t mind. I think every women I see wearing mom-jeans whatever her age looks foolish. Just remember the golden rule for living a full and honest life – to thine own self be true!
Yeah well that is the same ‘Fashion Industry’ that wants our little girls to look like sluts also. They eve started making dolls look like sluts and hookers. Remember the “Bratz” doll line?
When will you women wake up and realize we don’t have to be dressed that way??
I have looked very sexy in lots of different clothes and many of them were jeans and sweaters or regular dresses that weren’t short.
Besides sexiness comes from within, not from a bare belly and short shorts that shows off too much cellulite!
I am in my 60’s – I think you just have to accept yourself as you are and not try to hide beneath baggy clothes – make sure they fit – but not tight – there’s no disgrace in being older and looking it. Jackie O looked great – mainly because she had expensive, tailored clothes and plenty of money for beauty treatments. Ditto for celebrities and film stars. I think its sad seeing women struggling to look and act younger. Its no good getting depressed and desperate trying to fight ageing. Hey – be grateful to be alive and give the young ones a chance. A bit of wisdom and common sense helps young people more than trying to compete with them – if you are older you cant anyway. Give up the fight accept yourself, be clean and neat and just relax – just be yourself.
yeah, their pretty childish man. im 27 years old and i got more fashion than any of all below me. (:
The trick to looking younger at age 50ish is to dress with the essence of a style but make it better fitted, of better fabric, more personally flattering, and better made–as well as more modest and a bit more classic.
Now, would that destroy the style? Not at all!
Take hiphugger bell bottoms you may see a very young woman wearing. Wear the same pair and you’ll look like you drug them out from when you were a teenager, show off a muffin top (flab above the beltline), and look ridiculous, even if you have a great figure.
Instead of wearing the same pair, do this. Get a pair of lowered-waist (not low waist, just lower than what a middle aged woman typically wears–just below the belly button is good) pants with long (almost to the floor), flare hems and a wide hemband or no hemband so that it lays flat and can be worn with a sweater without showing bumps from the waistband.
If you use high end tropical wool, stretch midweight denim, and other nicer, forgiving fabrics in classic colors, you will have elongated your look, balanced your hips, and given yourself a longer waisted look as well.
Never shop in the junior department, well almost never. I have found a few things that look great, but they are one-offs and not the foundation of my wardrobe.
Quality, fit, and classics are very important for a woman of a certain age to look her best. Don’t ask yourself if every very young woman wears it. Ask yourself if a very young woman wore it, would it look right on her? If your answer is that she would look sophisticated and rich, you’ve got your wardrobe solution. But, if your answer is that she would look like she borrowed her mom’s clothes, forget it.
Classic, flattering styles should be wearable by all ages in most cases, even if the cut has to be a little different for different ages, such as larger waistlines for post menopausal women.
Josh,
Realizing this response comes well after your reference to Ivey Abitz. I am 58 going on 45 and found her designs reflect exactly who I’ve wished myself to be. They are whimsically sophisticated, elegantly fun. Pure art. Thank you for the referral. Just seeing the designs has made me feel younger.
I am a middle-aged woman and I get very frustrated with what is out there. I am not conservative but I don’t want to spend my whole time in my hippy chick rags though I have days I want my peasant skirts and so on. And I don’t want to look like my grandma either. I love leggings but with a long top. I love skinny jeans but not hellishly tight. I find everything is either looking like you’re fourteen or eighty. I am also mostly a natural,Yogic,mystical but not fanatic spiritual person, though to some I am probably fanatic. But,oh,well. Anyway, I have always appreciated interesting and comfortable clothing. It isn’t easy to find middle-aged cool clothes. I wish I were a designer. I am an artist and I plan to try my hand at making over thrift and resale clothing, which I love. Hopefully, it won’t look ratty. Oh,by the way, everyone. You can make any jeans into skinny if you don’t mind a little work. Google it! You can be as cool as Rock and Republic with a bit of imagination, I think and I hope. It is not really about impressing for me. It is about expressing myself artistically in a way that feels harmonious for myself. Well, run with it!
I am 51 years old, size 18 and utterly refuse to wear the crap that is offered for sale in plus size stores. I like clothes that are elegant, and with a bit of drama. For basic pieces I wear Eileen Fisher and some J Jill. For the drama pieces which I pair with the basics I wear Citron, some Eskandar, and a few other designers. I am familiar with Ivey Abitz and some of her clothes are fantastic especially when paired with classics. The key for me is accessories. I have a wonderful collection of scarves, shawls and fashion jewelry. One can wear very simple clothes and dress them up or down merely by changing the accessories.
As for the women on the real housewives shows. All of them without exception try too hard and their style is forced, non age appropriate and really sad.